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[ youth.rs ] zin za mlade | seminari, stipendije, konkursi, volontiranje, radionice, kursevi cheap generic cialis
Cesto dolazim u konflikt sa roditeljima
ponedeljak, 05 septembar 2011 00:00

pitanje:
Dobar dan. Zovem se Ana ,imam 21 godinu i u poslednje vreme sam mnogo pod stresom. Student sam druge godine,sto znaci da je sada ispitni rok i da je stres sve izrazeniji. Cesto dolazim u konflikt sa roditeljima,jer sam po njihovom misljenju nezrela i nesposobna da se staram sama o sebi. Skoro sam imala i raskid sa deckom sa kojim sam bila u trogodisnjoj vezi,sto je jos vise iskomplikovalo moju situaciju.

Da stvar bude gora posvadjala sam se i sa najboljom drugaricom sa kojom vise nemam nikakav kontakt. Imam osecaj da se gubim i plasi me sto vrlo cesto razmisljam o tome kako bi bilo da mene vise jednostavno nema. Roditelji,ne znam iz kog razloga,misle da sam laka devojka i da spavam sa svakim. I non stop mi govore kako sam nesposobna i glupa i kako cu da propadnem u zivotu. Mnogo me demoralisu u svakom pogledu i to traje ceo zivot. Do sad sam uspela da se izborim sa tim negativnim uticajem i njihovim negativnim stavom prema meni,ali kada mi je najvise potrebna njihova podrska ja je nemam i non stop nailazim na negativne komentare i na nerazumevanje. I sto sam starija,sve mi vise smeta sto imaju takvo misljenje o meni,koje je pritom neosnovano. Ovo je samo ukratko o mom problemu,ali ja mislim da je koren svega ovoga mnogo dublji i u mojoj porodici i u meni samoj,jer smatram da nisu pravilno postupali prema meni. Zivim sama u svom stanu,oni me izdrzavaju i uglavnom mi nista ne fali,ali nemam njihovu podrsku i emotivno sam veoma rastrojena. Ne znam sta da radim,pokusavam da se fokusiram na fakultet ali od toliko problema,bezanjem od njih samo sam pogorsala sve. Molim Vas za neki savet. (Usput cisto da napomenem ja sam starija cerka i majka me je od malena terala da slusam njene i oceve probleme i probleme svih vrsta tako da imam osecaj kao da sam ja tu svemu kriva). Hvala unapred.

 

odgovor:

Poštovana Ana, iz tvog pisma sam razumeo da si inteligentna i sposobna mlada osoba, kao i da ti se u aktuelnom period istovremeno skupilo tri izvora neprijatnosti, a to su raskid sa dečkom, razlaz sa najboljom drugaricom i vreme ispitnih rokova, kao i izostanak afirmacije tvoje ličnosti od strane tvojih roditelja odnosno preterana i neistinita kritika tvoje ličnosti i ponašanja od strane roditelja. Razumeo sam i da tu ima i dobrih stvari, a to je što živiš sama u svom stanu, roditelji ti obezbeđuju materijalno i finansijski sve što ti treba, a pretpostavljam da je dobra strana tvog aktuelnog življenja i to što studiraš. Čini mi se da je tvoj glavni aktuelni cilj u tome kako da se emocionalno odvojiš od roditelja i hroničnog obezvređivanja tvoje ličnosti sa njihove strane – i ojačaš sebe kao autonomnu ličnost, koja vredi sama po sebi i koja aktivno stremi izabranim ciljevima i autentičnim potrebama.  Mislim da ti za to umesto restauracije prošlosti treba aktuelne snage, uvida na koje načine si sada sklona da sebe obezvređuješ, da sebe izbacuješ iz ravnoteže, da pridaješ značaj obezvređivanju koje stiže od strane roditelja, da uvidiš šta je u svemu tome što ti se dešava u poslednje vreme za tebe stres. Da uočiš svoju, ličnu ulogu u tome kako kod tebe nastaje stres, kako doprinosiš svom stresiranju, kao i da iznađeš načina da se stresa oslobađaš i “puniš baterije” tamo gde ih napuniti možeš (npr: sport, rekreacija, filmovi, knjige, pozorište, izlasci, momci, drugarice, izleti…). Takođe, mislim da će ti biti od koristi da napraviš plan svojih dugoročnih ciljeva, gde vidiš sebe za 5 godina, i da onda napraviš plan postepenog ostvarivanja tog cilja (tih ciljeva). Sadašnjim radom za svoju izabranu budućnost, moći ćeš da svom aktuelnom življenju dodaš jedan viši smisao, koji je za tebe lično značajan, jer će se raditi o nečemu što si sama, lično izabrala. Umesto podrške od strane roditelja, pokušaj da pronađeš i ojačaš podršku u sebi, za sebe, za svoje potrebe, svoje ciljeve, svoj život. I pokušaj da se povežeš sa osobama sa kojima možeš, višegodišnja veza i duboko prijateljstvo, govore da imaš dobar kapacitet za uspostavljanje kvalitetnih odnosa sa ljudima. Srdačni pozdravi, Jovan Ratković.

odgovor na odgovor:

Hvala puno na savetu,nekako sam se izvukla iz problema,za sada sam usresredjena samo na fakultet i na postizanje zivotnih ciljeva :) Nasla sam i izduvni ventil a to je trcanje i veoma mi pomaze da se oslobodim
stresa kao i nepotrebnih misli. Situacija sa roditeljima je i dalje neizvesna ali i promenljiva kao i sto je svih ovih godina od kako znam za sebe. Hvala jos jednom na podrsci,ipak sam ja jedan stanovnik ove planete
koji je vredan zivljenja :D

 

  A

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