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trpela nasilje od strane jednog decaka
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pitanje:
Postovani. Imam 19,5 godina. U osnovnoj skoli sam trpela nasilje od strane jednog decaka. U pocetku je to bilo samo verbalno vredjanje,ali u petom razredu me je reketirao i pretukao me u skolskom dvoristu.Svi su gledali ali niko nista nije preduzeo da to spreci.

Pretio mi je da ukoliko bilo kome kazem da ce mi nauditi sestri koja je tad bila treci razred. Obratila sam se tati,i on je informisao skolu,ali posto oni nisu verovali,obratio se nadleznima u Ministarstvu prosvete. Ali ni tu nisam imala neke vajde. Sest godina kasnije da je taj inspektor iz Ministarstva sabotirao sve.Umesto da stane na moju stranu,on je stao na njegovu i time me je bukvalno ostetio. Opovrgavao je svedoke,lekarske nalaze,izvestaje socijanog radnika.Cak sam i sebe donekle krivila jer sam u prvom razredu patila od Disleksije. Ali taj covek nikad me nije saslusao da bi mogao da donosi nekakve ocene o meni. Sve to je ostavilo duboke rane na mojoj dusi.Idem kod psihijatra i psihologa-psihoterapeuta ali mislim da mi to ne pomaze.Prema tom čoveku osećam mržnju,gnev i bes i zelju za pravdom za moje pretrpljene muke.Čak mi se nekad i javlja i ubilački nagon i zelja za osvetom. Mrzim ga vise nego onog dečaka što me je direktno povredjivao.On je za mene monstrum.Prekjuce sam doživela razočaranje od ljudi sličnih njemu,al me nije povredilo,niti u meni izaziva bes.Kako da se izborim sa svim tim besom,gnevom,mržnjom i željom za osvetom? Kažu svestenici: Oprosti da bi tebi bilo oprosteno,ali kako ja tom čoveku da oprostim sto mi je naneo zla? Sta da radim? Sta ce da mi pruzi satisfakciju posle toliko godina patnje,suza i straha? Nameravam da upisem medicinu da budem lekar opste prakse,da bih pomogla drugima kad mojoj majci nisam pomogla koja je bolovala od neizlecive bolesti.Ali ako sebi ne pomognem,kako cu drugima?Molim vas recite mi sta da radim i kako da povratim poverenje u ljude? Unapred zahvalna.

odgovor:
Poštovana Ana, s obzirom na to da si kao dete u dužem periodu trpela nasilje od strane tog dečaka a da škola i druge institucije nisu uspele a neke ni htele da te zaštite od njegovog nasilništva, najprirodnije je to što sad osećaš mržnju, gnev, bes i želju za osvetom. Rekao bih da su ova osećanja u kontekstu situacije koju opisuješ i zdravija od nekih drugih, koja takođe ne bi bila neočekivana - recimo depresije. Prirodno je i to što najveći „pik“ imaš na tog službenika Ministarstva prosvete, od koga si prirodno očekivala da dobiješ efikasnu zaštitu a ne jedno dodatno emocionalno zlostavljanje. Na osnovu tvog pisma, može se reći da ti sada nisi spremna da oprostiš, a to bi možda bilo i neprirodno i nelogično s obzirom na to da si vrlo mlada osoba, a još više s obzirom na to da ta bolna preživljavanja, razočaranja i nagomilavanje gneva, kako iz tvog pisma izlgeda, nisi u dovoljnoj meri proživela i obradila. Realna mogućnost praštanja ide tek nakon ovog prethodnog procesa. Ne znam zbog čega sve ideš kod psihijatra i psihoterapeuta, da li zbog ovih osećanja koja nosiš u sebi i koja te tište, ili pak i zbog nekih drugih problema i teškoća. U psihoterapiji postoje načini da se osobi, uz pomoć psihoterapeuta omogući da tokom više senasi, u bezbednim uslovima, doživi, ispolji,  proživi i iživi i sva nagomilana neprijanta i bolna osećanja, uključujući i bes, gnev, mržnju i želju za osvetom. Nakon ovog procesa, kojim rukovodi psihoterapeut, kod osobe dolazi do jednog olakšanja, smirenja kao i do oslobađanja drugih potencijala ličnosti, koja su ovim nagomilanim a neispražnjenim osećanjima možda bila blokirana. Možda je najbolje da predložiš ovako nešto svom psihoterapeutu? Veliki pozdrav, Jovan Ratković.

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